just breathe

I seem to be suffocating
The world is pressing down on me without mercy
It's attempting to blot me out, to fade me into non-existence

My heart is bleeding, it's spews from my mouth, from my eyes
I'm still learning how to fly

Like a baby bird forced to fly south for the winter
You'll die if you stay here, baby bird
You'll be left behind if you wait any longer
Left to die

In my lovely solitude the night closes in
I'm suffocating with and without your love
I'm learning to cry on my own
I'm remembering what it was like before you came

What does it mean to be independant?
Where do you find the time for that?
My garden is a cold, brittle place
What once was spring, now is emptiness

I can't do anything, my heart is in pieces
You're all causing me anxiety
You're all somewhere else

Nah~
Can I call out to something, to someone?
Will it make it more worthwhile?
Nah~
Is there something I can look to?

Ahhh...

There's a star shining brightly in the sky
I don't care where, or who it comes from
But it's shining for me

With this belief I can continue on
With this belief I'll remain strong

I don't care if it's a lie, most things are

Ahhh...

The dawn is coming, I can see through the fog

Ahhh...

Wherever you are I'll always be here
Whether I'm waiting for you, or not
I'm stagnent like a star in the sky

The stars will lead you to me.

Ahhh...

If you're looking for me I'll be with the stars
Who said things had to be complicated?

Ahhh...

I'll have my own summer here,
Watching, waiting, and wondering


When spring will come.

look a PIG!

lol

ok well...AGH....ive had so much free time lately, honestly, it's scary. often times i feel alone and like i haf nothing to do. im on msn like ALL the time trying to find someone to talk to but only in vain.

damn u keane! getting a job and leaving me here to rott away.

blah its not ur fault, it's mine, i should be doing all those things ive set out to do...but im not. im trying to write...i rlly am...>.< argh


tomorrow i plan to go print out sum resumes...and go around mass-handing them out...also gonna give my rentals info on the driving school thingie.

gah...everything...is so silent...all the time.

im living in silence...im breathing it in. i stare at nothing, i hear nothing, i do nothing...i feel like nothing. i am who watches..who waits...who waits for time to give me something to do.

i want to write...i wish i could...i wish...i wish id just do it! i try...i try...why...oh...why...oh why

i find i cant just "play video games" i just cant. it feels weird..it's like i need someone else there to enjoy them..or else it's not rlly enjoyable for me. it's just silence


silence in the morning, cold, crisp, and sweet
silence in the afternoon, suffocating, and tasteless
silence in the evening, swift, motionless, and sutle

silence covered by music, its badly done makeup.

hm. wat to do now

here piggy piggy piggy...

bound

Bound by my own interchanging feelings - I'm struggling to hold on.
A large wave is threatening to overcome me - I'm struggling to breathe.
The sky seems to be falling right on top of me - I'm struggling to hide.
The forest seems to pull me back - I'm struggling to break free.

No matter how many wounds you have, no matter how many tears you shed, if you hesitate for one moment you'll be sucked down into the waves. And as you let yourself fall, this river will hurl you through its waters, resentless of the imposing rocks and rough sand that tears at your flesh. So instead you're left to stagger on, limping in pain, but at the same time struggling to hold you're own against this great river. You're walking into the sunset, despite your pain, you're walking into a future, despite having a real grip on the present.

No matter what, you're carried on by this great river...

RIVER
ED 2
Lyrics, Music, Composition: Tatuya Isii

Nothing is going the way it should
I hastily subdue these feelings of impatience
All this anxiety and nervousness is sending my heart into disorder
Just a boy hugging his knees in the midst of it all

Shivering and in tears, I repress all my regret
I cried all night, but now it seems dawn is breaking...

So, undoubtedly you're right
Even though right now I may try to turn back
And I keep on being stubborn about it, though I know it's monotonous
I'll start walking again, this time even farther, and I won't give up

If I could get just one more chance...

I'll keep it all locked away in my heart
Until my dreams come true...

I surrendered myself to a dismal emptiness
in the most critical of times
No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't quite reach
Aiming for the shore
I had to swim for my life

Withstanding the current, I can't even raise my voice
It could have been the end right there, but...

I don't think that love can save everything,
but there's something about your smile
that somehow healed my heart, and in your lips
I found the strength to stand up again

If only I could get just one more chance...

The flow of the river is intense even today
But I won't let go of your hand
I'll believe in the love that's in my heart forever
Until my dreams come true...

I don't think that love can save everything,
but there's something about your smile
that somehow healed my heart, and in your lips
I found the strength to stand up again

So, undoubtedly you're right
Even though right now I may try to turn back
And I keep on being stubborn about it, though I know it's monotonous
I'll start walking again, this time even farther, and this time I won't give up

If only I could get just one more chance...

The flow of the river is intense even today
But I won't let go of your hand
I'll believe in the love that's in my heart forever
Until my dreams come true...

*scratches nose*

AH - A FLY! ew.....


well, been a while since i last updated...not much to say...well! ok there, would be, like how i broke the camera.

yes the camera.

but otherwise~havent felt like writing much, and (yet again) have fallen into a slump. i havent told anyone this but i finished my diary a while ago...except for the last page. which i USUALLY fill with something inspiring, and emotional...and something i can read later and go, "cool"

but i havent been up to it. i want to...but, im not sure what to put yet. it's like im stuck~ rawr.

grr...sick today, and have been falling behind in work. have so far not completed any of the tasks ive set out to do, which probably doesnt surprise anyone, because not even im surprised by this.

gah, a well.

well this has died. so im gone